One thing that has struck me of late is how things, like songs, or words, or actions, have a much greater meaning now, how they hit me to my core. In reading through C.S. Lewis’ A Grief Observed, I’ve been nearly moved to tears at the truth of his words, how greatly I understand them now in the midst of my own grief. God is using this whole trial in such an amazing way. It’s frightful at times, truly.
A friend and I were talking, how whatever doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, prepares you for things ahead. But with the magnitude of this trial, do we really want to be prepared for whatever greater trial lies ahead? Do we really want to be that strong, so much so, that we can handle it? Do I want to experience something like this again? No, I don’t want to feel this pain again. But I do want to be a part of God’s plan, whether this one or another. I want to be used by Him, and I want Him to use our pain and our trials for His glory. And if that means making it through this wilderness, or others, then I will do it gladly.
The morning of Joey’s burial, as my dear friend, Sara, and I were getting ready, I played the song Blessed Be Your Name, over, and over. It’s always been a song that touched me, made my throat tight with unshed tears, but that day even more so, only I was actually shedding the tears. (As was Sara, sorry dear!)
It is my prayer that through this all, and whatever may come after, that I will always be able to say with all passion and fervor and truth, blessed be YOUR name.
Blessed Be Your Name In the land that is plentiful Where Your streams of abundance flow Blessed be Your name Blessed Be Your name When I'm found in the desert place Though I walk through the wilderness Blessed Be Your name Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be Your name When the sun's shining down on me When the world's 'all as it should be' Blessed be Your name Blessed be Your name On the road marked with suffering Though there's pain in the offering Blessed be Your name Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise When the darkness closes in, Lord Still I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your name Blessed be the name of the Lord Blessed be Your glorious name You give and take away You give and take away My heart will choose to say Lord, blessed be Your name Blessed Be Your Name by Matt Redman
